Authors' Note: This verse deals with a nonsensical 'tall tale' prevalent in the author's family. Our children grew up in the 1980s in a universe in which 'remotes' (remote controllers) miraculously helped manage elements of their computerized daily lives. With its expandable dimensions and the ability to either hide or display, the Cyber Box offered a digitized but imaginary solution to logistic problems, worthy of attribution to Aladdin. Unfortunately, no one could ever find the misplaced 'remote' for the mythical device.
Sunday, 15 November 2020
Gift Suggestions: NOVEL COMMERCIAL PRODUCTS
Authors' Note: The gecko, a non-threatening species of lizard imported accidentally into the United States (with range expanding in the last few decades), has entered the popular consciousness due to advertisements by GEICO (acronym for the Government Employees Insurance Co.) which feature a British-accented lizard, who gives advice on purchasing auto and other insurance.
Voice-activated assistance (for humans) on Apple cellphones is provided by a persona known as ‘Siri’. As saurian is a synonym for reptilian, (and the suffix ‘-saur’ is well-known in regard to current and ancient lizard species), you won’t be surprised that we have developed an assistant named ‘Sauri’ for the high-tech gecko community.
Authors' Note: The principal ingredients and other details of Dust, the indispensable furniture protector, are left to the reader's imagination.
Authors' Note: A garden gnome is an ersatz creature, often assumed to be of below average intelligence and technical sophistication. Here the author reimagines the garden gnome as a technically adept home protection device, suited to the western American setting.
Authors' Note: The male turkey's facial snood is an erectile caruncle that plays an important role in his ability to attract females. Unfortunately for domestic toms, commercial turkey breeders see it as advantageous to remove these facial appendages at an early age. The process of desnooding, and its devastating effect on turkey romance, have been versified by the author previously. Commercial development of a prosthesis to assist males in adult life, as described in this verse, is apocryphal.
Authors' Note: Sault Ste Marie, Ontario, on the St. Mary River, is known casually by its English-speaking inhabitants and visitors as ‘the Sault’ (pronounced SOO). (A smaller town, similarly named, is also present on the American side of the river). French colonists had referred to the rapids on the river as les saults de Ste Marie (SOH).
A classic limerick, dating from 1902, concerns family economics and stressful relationships of a resident of the island of Nantucket in the state of Massachusetts:
There once was a man from Nantucket ...
A series of limericks by the present author provides satirical variations on this iconic tale.
The technically advanced bucket and safe combination imagined in the above verse might have been of use to the famous Nantucket protagonist.
Authors' Note: Shotgun-wielding hunter Elmer Fudd was the cartoon-world nemesis of the beloved character Bugs Bunny. Elmer was notable for his lisping speech, for his hatred of 'wascally wabbits', for his oversized weaponry and, fortunately for Bugs, for his rather poor eyesight and aim.
Currently (2017), weapons can be legally web-purchased by residents of the U.S.,without prior background checks of the purchasers.
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Posted by Giorgio Coniglio at November 15, 2020