Lyrics for Singable Satire: "MEL AND HIS HERNIA"

 PARODY-LYRICS

ORIGINAL SONG : "Me and My Shadow", Rose, Dreyer and Jolson, 1927, as performed by Perry Como, Maurice Chevalier, and many others. 
PARODY COMPOSED: Dr.G.H. and Giorgio Coniglio, December 2015.

PLUS: A bonus poem, joining the disparate topics of hernia and gender-neutral language (see below!) 

MEL and HIS HERNIA

(to the tune of "Me and My Shadow")

Mel:

Me with my hernia

Shuffling down the promenade

It's disconcerting;

Perhaps that's why for months I haven't played.

It's always in my pants --

Lopsided bulge.

But chicks who check

Don't want to indulge.

For me and my hernia

Time has come to part our ways.

Mel's Friend:

Mel and his hernia

Huffing down the avenue; ("Hey, Mel!")

Fellas discern 'cause

It's so displaced, it's not quite out of view.

"What sets things right? 

Herniorrhaphy.

You're so uptight. 

NOT 'hysterectomy'."

"So, go have your surgery.

Soon, before that thing turns blue."

If you want to resume daily titillations on our other public blog 'Daily Illustrated Nonsense', click HERE. Once you arrive, you can select your time-frame of interest from the calendar-based listings in the righthand margin, and check the daily offerings for any week in the years 2020 and 2021. (There are now almost 700 daily entries on the Daily blog, and most of these are also presented here on 'Edifying Nonsense' in topic-based collections.)

Scatologic Verse: The BOTTOM LINE of MEDICAL HUMOR

Authors' Note: In North America, many proctologists now prefer to be known (professionally) as 'colorectal surgeons'.

Authors' Note: Borborygmi (plural of the Latin borborygmus) , a normal phenomenon, are rumbling noises in the abdomen related to movement of fluid and gas through gastrointestinal viscera (hollow organs).

 Authors' Note:  

  A euphemism allows one to skirt around the messy details. 

  Diarrhea, a term coined by Hippocrates, derives from the Greek for a flow going through; the details are linked by longstanding usage to the specific intestinal inconvenience, sometimes characterized as "the trots".

  The authors regret that there are no appropriate images to accompany this verse.

Authors' Note: The concept of a formal truce was approached by both parties following the authors' misguided indulgence in the preparation for an endoscopic procedure.

Authors' Note: 

cruciferae: vegetables in the cabbage family

Aspergillus: more fully, Aspergillus niger, the species of fungus from which chemists derive alpha-galactosidase, the principal active enzyme ingredient of flatulence-suppressants.  The concept of a supplement to suppress the discomfort and gas associated with eating vegetables such as beans and cabbage was presumably proposed by Benjamin Franklin in the 1780s. In 1981, Alan Kligerman initiated research that resulted in the development of the commercial enzymatic supplement Beano® , and a Nobel Prize in Medicine in 1991. 

  

Authors' Note: 'Aneous', a puerile neologism, has been used here to close the verse, as the proper medical term 'anus' may not function appropriately in this instance.

 

Authors' Note:  The long-term effectiveness of surgical and other treatments for hemorrhoids is disappointingly low. 

Related Verse:

AND, HERE'S A LIST OF LINKS to collections of intriguing verses on other medical/dental topics that can now be found on various posts including:

Patients and their Maladies (parts #1, #2 and #3)

The Bottom Line of Medical Humour

Funny Bones (parts #1 and #2)
Doctors and their Practices (part #1 and #2)

To Clot or Not to Clot

The Scopes of Modern Medicine

Handbook of Medical Testing Statistics

Organic Brain Poetry

Pandemic Verses

Poetry of Healthcare

STD Poetry

Diagnostic Imaging (selected topics)

Toxic Vignettes

Sleek Greek Prefixes

Dental Feelings

and in 'brief sagas' including:

Drug Development

Radiation Exposure

Methylated Spirits

The Gastro-Esophageal Junction

Workplace Pollution

Food Intolerance

Fluoridation

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Reprehensible MODERN HISTORY

Authors' Note: The Italo-Turkish War, also known as the Turco-Italian War, 1911–1912, was among the neo-colonial adventures pushed by the European powers (Britain, France, Italy, etc.) who took advantage of the decline of Ottoman Turkey just before the outbreak of the First World War. The territories conquered by the Italians (most of current-day Libya and also the Dodecanese islands in the Aegean Sea) remained under their control through the Second World War, with Mussolini's National Fascist party in power in the Kingdom of Italy for most of this period (1922–1943).

The treaty to end the conflict was named after the resort facility in Lausanne, Switzerland at which it was signed by the belligerents, becoming known as the Treaty of Ouchy (oo-SHEE).

Authors' Note:

nachbarlich (NAKH-bahr-likh): neighborly 

l'après-guerre (la-preh-GAYR): period immediately after the Second World War in France, approximately 1945-1948

Cannes (KAN): French town on the Côte d'Azur, famous for its luxury hotels and villas, and for its international film festival

Worms (VORMZ): German town (sometimes pronounced by anglophones as WUHRMZ) of about the same size as Cannes and Limerick, famed for its production of liebfraumilch 

DIRECTION FOR WEB-TRAVELLERS: 

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Progress in Poetry: BI-LYRICAL VERSE

Authors' Note: 

  Despite the message of the verse, the author has taken pains to construct a slate of dual rhyme scheme, or bi-lyrical limericks, including the above instance; the rhyme scheme can be characterized as: 

line 1:  C...A

line 2:  C...A

line 3:  D...B

line 4:  D...B

line 5:  C...A.  

 I'm addicted to crafting verse terse,

 Though constricted by constructs perverse.

 To use dual-scheme rhymes

 Can confuse me at times;

 But, inflicted on readers? That's worse!

In the above verse, the additional C- and D-pattern rhymes are distinguished using green font. The scansion (pattern of beats), usually involves stressing the third syllable in each line (as indicated by underlining). In this instance, this pattern is broken in the third line of the verse.

Authors' Note: Goof is used here in a sense overlapping with goofball for a person whose behavior, silly and inept (or 'goofy'), is seen by others as scoff-worthy.

To date, the archives on the OEDILF site lists over 60 limerick entries that are spoofs on the classic Nantucket limericks. And, you might enjoy seeing some of Giorgio's contribution to that oeuvre, as collected in a post entitled 'Variant Verse: Spoofs on the Iconic Nantucket Limerick' HERE.

Conversion disorder presenting as aphonia (the state of not being able to speak) is an occasionally encountered disorder with a psychologic basis.

 Authors' note: We (i.e. Dr. G.H. and his registered pseudonym Giorgio) have two brothers who have each written a textbook in his chosen field of endeavour. Our personal choice, however, is to indulge in the delights of poetry, using rhyme rather than free verse as our preferred modality.  

You might also want to check out a few other examples of this intriguing two-for-one poetic format. Check the collection here on 'Numbers', in particular Four.  Moreover, the first verse of the 3-stanza brief saga 'Domestic Turkeys' is  written with a bi-lyrical rhyming  scheme. 

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