Lyrics for Singable Satire: "STAR-NOSED MOLE"

 PARODY-LYRICS

ORIGINAL SONG: "Heart and Soul", Frank Loesser and Hoagy Carmichael, 1938.

PARODY COMPOSED: Dr.G.H. and Giorgio Coniglio, February 2015.

Explanatory notes: The star-nosed mole inhabits wet low-lying areas of Canada and the northeastern US. It has been much less well known than its lawn-disturbing cousin, the common Eastern mole. National Geographic recently suggested that it may be the weirdest creature on the planet.

STAR-NOSED MOLE

(to the tune of "Heart and Soul")

Star-nosed mole – I fail to grasp your charms -

Fleshy snout, thick tail and flipper arms

Slit eyes,

No need to use a mirror:

You won’t be ogled by peers.

  

Star-nosed mole – a neuroscience find -

Tactile nose, hunts prey though eyes are blind

Feelers (tentacles)

Discern where kisses land,

Just like an eye or a hand.

Star-nosed mole – bolts half its weight each day

Stim-response? – Earth’s quickest, Wiki say,

Nostrils

In midst of quivering nose,

Stay underwater closed.

Strangely evolved for digging, feeding, swimming. 

How do you get to breeding, her-and-himm-ing?

So, you can ‘see'

By integrating touch,

Brain can ‘watch’- snarf yummy worms and such.

Somehow

You find cloacal holes

Of other star-nosed moles. 

You can find a poem about the star-nose mole, with informative notes, on our blogpost 'Mammalian Wildlife'. Click HERE to access it.

If you want to resume daily titillations on our other public blog 'Daily Illustrated Nonsense', click HERE. Once you arrive, you can select your time-frame of interest from the calendar-based listings in the righthand margin, and check the daily offerings for any month in the years 2020 and 2021, and more! (There are now 700+ daily entries on the Daily blog, and most of these are also presented here on 'Edifying Nonsense' in topic-based collections.)

Poems for Hallowe'en: GRUESOME VERSE

 

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Breaking News: FUNNY BONES, fragment#1 (upper limb fractures)

BACKGROUND READING

Authors' Note: 

orthopod: a casual name for the orthopedic surgeon (surgical bone specialist).  For many sites in the upper and lower limbs where trauma has resulted in fracture with angulation or rotation of the fragments, surgical treatment ('ORIF', or Open Reduction, Internal Fixation) has become the standard of treatment. 

The above verse first  appeared on the blogpost "Doctors and their Practices". You can get more information on this topic here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internal_fixation

THE SPECIFICS: UPPER LIMB (arm) FRACTURES

Authors' Note: Modern orthopedic treatment of displaced limb fractures often attains the aims of stability and appropriate alignment through the surgical technique of internal fixation. Injured limbs have then undergone the dual trauma of both the original injury and the surgical correction. But, with all the parts back in place and correctly aligned, the patient can work with a physiotherapist to regain range-of-motion, muscle agility and strength. 

Authors' Note: Injuries to the metacarpal bones, such as knuckle fractures, are most common in injuries occurring with the closed fist, e.g. a punch thrown in a fistfight. In fact, an isolated fracture of the head of the fifth ('pinky'-side) metacarpal is known as a boxer's fracture. 

  On the other hand, fractures of the wrist (including the distal ends of the radial and ulnar bones of the forearm and eight intrinsic small carpal bones) are most commonly caused by a fall on the outstretched hand. Of all of these, fractures of the distal radius, sustained when attempting to break a fall, are by far the most common.

Authors' Note:

AVN: medical initialism for avascular necrosis, lethal damage to bone tissue resulting from traumatic interruption of its blood supply; the scaphoid bone of the wrist is particularly susceptible. The human skeleton has two boat-shaped small bones, one each in the ankle (tarsal) and wrist (carpal) areas. The Latin-derived term navicular ('boat-like'), is applied to either bone, whereas its Greek-derived analogue scaphoid, particularly favored in recent decades, is applied only to the wrist bone. How did Eric know that it was his scaphoid that he had fractured? See the verse anatomical snuffbox.

Authors' Note: The hamate bone, one of eight small bones of the human wrist, has a prominent hook, or hamulus, that provides some protection to the ulnar nerve as it proceeds down the arm to supply the fourth and fifth fingers. A 'hairline fracture' of this bony process (outcropping), not an uncommon injury in golfers, baseball players and hockey slap-shooters, may result in continuing pain. Frequently, the injury is not detected on initial x-rays, but may show up on computed tomography (CT), a bone scan, or on follow-up wrist X-rays.

                                                                                verse finally accepted April 2023, #112902 

Authors' Note:

funner: a neologism for 'fun-seeker', as used here; also, a disputed equivalent to the comparative expression 'more fun’

  The olecranon is the boney process (extension) of the forearm's ulna that extends into the elbow joint. Fractures of the olecranon are moderately common, due to direct trauma (fall on the elbow), but even more so due to indirect trauma (transmission of intense force with a fall on the outstretched hand). Owing to the proximity of the ulnar nerve, a broken funny bone may be associated with numbness and tingling extending into the fingers.

  Such injuries have bedevilled joggers and elite athletes, but recently have become more common with the popularity of personal electric transport devices. Surgical treatment is generally required for these fractures that often have displaced bone fragments. 

Authors' Note: Modern orthopedic treatment of displaced limb fractures often attains the aims of stability and appropriate alignment through the surgical technique of internal fixation. Injured limbs have then undergone the dual trauma of both the original injury and the surgical correction. But, with all the parts back in place and correctly aligned, the patient can work with a physiotherapist to regain range-of-motion, muscle agility and strength. 

Part #2 of this collection of illustrated poems will feature fractures of the trunk and lower limb (leg). The editors apologize for the long wait, but the good news in 2022 is that this collection is now available! Click HERE. 

AND, HERE'S A LIST OF LINKS to collections of intriguing verses on other medical/dental topics that can now be found on various posts including:

Patients and their Maladies (parts #1, #2 and #3)

The Bottom Line of Medical Humour

Funny Bones (parts #1 and #2),
Doctors and their Practices (part #1 and #2)

To Clot or Not to Clot

The Scopes of Modern Medicine

Handbook of Medical Testing Statistics

Pandemic Verses

Poetry of Healthcare

STD Poetry

Diagnostic Imaging (selected topics)

Toxic Vignettes

Sleek Greek Prefixes

Dental Feelings

and in 'brief sagas' including:

Drug Development

Radiation Exposure

Methylated Spirits

The Gastro-Esophageal Junction

Workplace Pollution

Food Intolerance

Fluoridation

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Rumination, reminiscence and ruination: STD-POETRY

Authors' Note: 

weigh anchor: opposite of 'drop anchor', a naval expression for the last step taken in preparation before the ship leaves port 

The symptoms of primary syphilis most often involve genital skin lesions, or chancres, that appear an average of three weeks after contracting the disease, caused by Gram-negative bacteria in the spiroch(a)ete family. Some patients, however, will remain without symptoms until the later stages of the disease develop insidiously. 

Authors' Note:  VDRL (initialism for venereal disease research laboratory): a screening blood test for syphilis developed in 1906 and updated in 1946

   Syphilis is sometimes referred to medically as lues, accounting for the choice of name for our protagonist.

   This verse, dealing with the asymptomatic latent stage, follows the author’s verse ‘chancre’, a manifestation of the early (‘primary’) stage. Treatment with penicillin at either of these stages is dramatically effective at preventing the dire consequences of progression to symptomatic late (‘tertiary’) disease.

Authors' Note: 

CNS: central nervous system, i.e. the brain and spinal cord; a commonly used medical initialism

spirochete(n.): a generalization for a bacterium of the type that causes syphilis (Treponema pallidum), based on its microscopic appearance

spirochete(v.): novel use confined to this verse, implying damage by syphilitic spirochetes

  The above verse, dealing with the late or ('tertiary') manifestations of syphilis (a.k.a. lues), emphasizes the common disorders of the CNS, including tabes dorsalis, a disease of the spinal cord producing sensory limitations in the legs, compensated by a characteristic (tabetic) stomping gait. Accompanying brain disorders may include general paresis (weakness), mania, delirium and dementia; and manifestations in other organ systems are not uncommon.

Authors' Note:  General paresis of the insane, known by the initialism GPI, was recognized as a distinct disease in 1822, and considered by the Victorians to be a form of madness in persons, primarily men, of dissolute character. It took another century until it was confirmed that it was caused by spirochetes, causative organism for syphilis, damaging the brain in the late (tertiary) stage, and that its progression could be halted by antibiotics such as anti-malarial arsenicals and, after 1940, penicillin. Once a relatively common problem on a global scale, GPI now seems to be confined to developing countries.

   This verse also relates to a series on organic causes of neuropsychiatric symptoms, such as hypothyroid depression, and frontal meningioma.

Authors' Note: These lyrics are intended to be sung in rap format.

Life-threatening medical aspects of the often-discounted STD (sexually transmitted disease) gonorrhea are well described in the Author's Note to SheilaB’s verse ‘Chaldaea’. 

  Gonorrheal infection of the external genitalia, caused by the bacterium Neisseria gonorrhoeae, may also result in pelvic inflammatory disease in females, epididymitis in males, and chronic infertility. Transmission of the disease is prevented by condoms.

Authors' Note:   In June 2022, the World Health Organization announced that

it would find a new name for 'monkeypox', to de-emphasize its overstated enzootic connection.   

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